Stop Quizzing Your Toddler and Do This Instead To Increase Early Language Skills

Toddlers can feel on the spot when asked too many questions, especially when they’re not being provided with the verbal models needed to learn how to respond.

When we’re trying to get our toddlers to talk more, we may find ourselves constantly quizzing them: “What’s this called?” “What’s that called?” “What color is this?” “What does a dog say?” “What do you want?” “What is this?” The problem is, when we are asking question after question that our child is not able to answer, we’re not providing them with the words, or verbal models, that they need in order to answer the questions. Additionally, when we continuously ask our child questions that they are not able to answer, it can be really frustrating for them. Some children may feel put on the spot and shut down and become less likely to answer.

Making 3 Statements for Every 1 Question Ratio Rule

This is why as a speech-language pathologist I use the rule of thumb of making at least three statements for every one question I ask, or the three statements to one question ratio rule. I regularly see parents quick-fire questioning their child that may use only a handful of words, if any, so not only do I use this strategy in my sessions, but I recommend parents start utilizing it at home, too. 

Here are some examples:

“Push the car; go car; the car is driving fast;” before asking; “What is this?” to see if your child is able to name, or label, the car.

“The cow is in the barn; He says moo; the cow is eating;” before asking; “What does the cow say?” to see if your child will make an animal sound.

“You’re eating up all of your bananas; the bananas are soft and sweet; look your bananas are all gone;” before asking, “What do you need?” to see if your child will request more bananas.

When should I use this strategy?

I would love to say, all the time! But that is way easier said than done. It can take a while to catch yourself and realize how many questions you’re asking your little one that are going unanswered. I even have to mentally remind myself as an SLP not to ask too many questions without first providing good language models of comments. Try to choose one activity (e.g. while reading a book, while playing with a favorite toy), daily routine (e.g. while getting dressed, grocery shopping, lunch time), or a 5-10 minute span of time when you plan to be cognizant of using more statements than questions when talking with your toddler. Over time, it will become easier to do automatically, and you can use it more throughout your day. This strategy is great for kiddos of all ages, because no one likes to be grilled with back to back to back questions! Over time though, the questions will change, and your comments will change as well, as your child’s language develops and becomes more advanced.

What if my child still isn’t answering the question?

Part of the idea is to actually provide your child with a model of the word they need to say in order to answer your question (for toddlers with a limited expressive vocabulary and/or difficulty responding to questions). If your child does not respond to your question, you can try giving two verbal choices (e.g. “Baba or moo?” “Banana or all done?”). If they still do not respond, you can model the answer (e.g. “car,” or “moooo”), and pause to see if they imitate, and continue to model more statements. If our child just hears questions all day long, they’re being provided with much less opportunities to hear the words and phrases needed to answer. 

Why isn’t my child answering questions, even after I use these strategies?

It should also be noted that responding to questions is its own skill set, or function of language, which is different from using words to request, label, greet, or protest. While responding to questions is absolutely an important skill to learn, and an important tool in determining what children know, it should not be the only tool used to elicit language, especially when language is delayed. Children need to hear words modeled in context many, many times before they will start to use them, especially for early words.

Make several comments about the pictures in books before asking a question. Continue to make more comments before asking another question.

You may think, “She’s said this word before, why isn’t she using it to answer my question?” As we discussed above, responding to a question is a different skill set than other functions of language, such as labeling. While you may have observed your child say, “car,” when looking at a picture of a car, this is the function of “labeling,” and when you ask your child, “What’s this?” and they don’t respond, it may be that they don’t understand the question. Additionally, children are often motivated to say words for a specific purpose. They are motivated to say “banana” when they want more banana, but when seemingly for no reason we ask them, “What’s this?” they may not have the same motivation to respond. 

You may also be asking yourself, “He knows what a car is, why isn’t he saying it?” Understanding words and saying words are two completely different skills, referred to as receptive language (understanding), and expressive language (saying words to communicate). Even though a child understands a word when it is said to them (e.g. Your child might point to a picture of a car when you ask, “Where’s the car?”), it does not mean they are able to say the word and use it to communicate, or to respond to questions. 

So remember, to help your toddler increase their language skills, make sure to model many statements,

including single words, phrases, and full sentences, rather than grilling them with questions. Try to include the words your child would need in order to answer the question (for toddlers with a limited expressive vocabulary and/or difficulty responding to questions). Remember to model at least three statements, for every one question, and try to ask questions you think your child is likely able to respond to for the time being (e.g. you’ve heard them say the word in another context). As your child’s language continues to advance and develop, you can ask more challenging questions. After you ask a question, go back to making a few comments before asking another question. If you ask two questions in a row, try to make six statements! Use additional strategies including giving two verbal choices, and modeling the answer, if your child is having difficulty responding, and continue to model lots of statements and comments! 

If you’re concerned about your child’s language development, talk to your pediatrician and get a referral for a speech-language evaluation with a speech-language pathologist. There are multiple factors involved in determining if a child requires speech-language therapy. Early intervention has been proven to have better outcomes than the outdated “wait and see” approach.

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This website and information on this blog post is provided for educational purposes only. It is not meant as medical advice, intended to replace a speech-language assessment, therapy from a speech-language pathologist, or serve as medical care for a child. It is recommended that you discuss any concerns or questions you might have with your speech-language pathologist, pediatrician, and medical team, and develop an individualized team plan specifically for your child.